Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Best Dog Ever!!! (R.I.P. Willis 2/1/01-10/7/11

Willis was born on February 2nd 2011 to Precious, who was a Daschund, & Chihuahua, & Corgie. Precious lived across the street from us. She was over 10 yrs old, & ended up pregnant by a full bred German Shepard. She had 3 puppies...
One day, my kids (then 4 & 6) were playing outside, & I noticed they had gone across the street & were playing with the puppies in the neighbor's yard. I got upset with them for crossing the street (even though it was a quiet Cul da sac) & went over to retrieve them. They were disappointed that I made them come back home.
Awhile later, Heather burst into the house with a 4 pound ball of fur, saying "Look Mommy, the littlest one followed us, isn't he cute! I remember being upset that she had brought him in the house. I told her to take him outside immediately in case he had an accident, and followed her out there. I took him from her arms and brought him to my chest and he was so soft and flop eared cute! We played with him awhile, & then his Mother Precious came over to nurse him! That was so sweet.
Phil arrived home later that day, & the kids were still playing with him out front. Vincent ran up to Dad the same time Heather did. Heather shoved that puppy right in his face as he knelt down to pet him. She said, "Can we keep him Daddy, please?" The look on Phil's face!!! He said, "Well, we have to keep him now!" LOL I will never forget that day.
That night Phil & I loaded up the kids, and the dog (whom Phil had affectionately and very appropriately named "Willis" because he always had something to say like the kid on Different Strokes) and we headed to PetSmart. We purchased Willis's food, a collar, his little dishes, and a quilted baby blue colored squeaky bone. (I still have that somewhere, lol) His collar didn't even fit! It was awesome though and we still have that too. It was leather and had little blunt end studs all the way around it.  As we were leaving the parking lot in our car, I had Willis on my lap. Our windows were down in the car. I guess he was scared, and out he went! He jumped out the window! Yep. And because he was so long, he kinda toppled out. Good thing we were at a light before turning out onto the main street! Silly puppy!!!
The next day was Saturday, so we made an appointment to get him seen by our local vet.Her name was Pattie. We asked her how much she thought he would weigh or what he would look like. She said "I have NO IDEA what he's going to look like or how big he will be." We thought that was pretty funny and still do, considering he was verrrrrrry looooong once full grown! At 6 months, Willis's ears were at half mass, at 1 year, those adorable huge ears stuck straight up!
He learned to love tennis balls because a friend of a friend would visit, and showed him his first ball. His other favorite was frisbies. Also, when we would go camping, we trained him to bring us pine cones! This was great because then he wouldn't lose his tennis balls that he loved so much, and we could keep them at home, lol.
Willis was the People's Puppy through and through. Everyone who met him loved him. Never did he bite anyone either. People would come over, and as soon as they threw his ball once, he was their friend for life! Willis spent his first 3 yrs or so around my adopted parent's dogs Buddy, KCLyn, and Sarah. They remained friends to him for the most part. In fact, KCLyn is still alive, but barely. She will join Willis in doggie heaven tomorrow. Willis also loved cats, and rats! We have had many many rats and cats in the years of his life.
He loved kids  and babies. He was introduced to each baby or kid that came along in our circle of friends. First was our kids, then Adam Jarid and Kendra Ball. Hayley Craig-Nicholsen, Then Beth had Malachi, and later Zephaniah. Cheyenne was born when Willis was 5. He licked her cheek and face when we brought her home. It made me laugh because she scrunched up as if to say "WHAT IS THAT?" Their bond was very very close as well.
I met Rosey Finley and her kids also fell in love with Willis. Michele came into Willis's life recently and her son Gavin bonded very closely with him. People came and went, but Willis always loved, always wagged, and always greeted!
Now some unpleasant things to hear: In the last few days, we were noticing that Willis was yelping here and there. We thought it was because he had injured himself playing with the kids. It got worse and worse. It was to the point in the last 24 hrs of his life where, everytime he would try to walk, he would yelp so loudly that we realized he needed to be seen. Last night (10-7-11) we took him in, and they gave him a shot of hydramorphine, and did xrays. It came back that he had a huge mass in his abdomen and in his chest. There could have been more, they weren't sure. Basically, they masses/tumors were pressing on his bladder and chest, effecting his ability to walk, urinate, and defacate properly, or lay down without pain. They could not 100% say that it was cancer, but I asked Kristen (the kind and sweet Vet) if she thougth it was cancer and she nodded her head yes and said "I am sorry, I know that is hard for you because he was your baby." She then extended her arms to me and embraced me and rubbed my shoulder.
At this point, Willis was in doggie drug world and was not feeling any pain and wanted to GO GO GO. He was whining. He wanted off of the table so Phil put him down. He wandered right to the door and began to really whine loudly as if to say, "I want out so I can explore and potty please." Ronald and I took him on a leash from the hospital outside and boy did he have to potty! He went everywhere he possibly could! Marking this bush and that pole  until there was nothing left, lol. We walked him around a bit more and he fully enjoyed being blitzed and exploring! Upon leaving the vet hospital, Kristen told us that we would know when it's "time" and to keep him as comfortable as possible with the medication they prescribed.
When we left the hospital, I sat with Willis in the back of Michele's vehicle. He was anxious to get home! I knew exactly what he wanted! He wanted to go for a walk! (I think he knew he would never get that chance again) So, Ronnie and I took him for a walk up and down the canal, at his pace, unleashed. He fully enjoyed that hour and a half. He would stop every so often and sniff around or rest. (He was very wobbly) He even fully emptied his bowls. That was a good thing, so as to make him more comfortable. When we got back from walking the 2 miles, he still wanted out more but I knew he needed to rest, as his shot would wear off soon and he would start the Damperidol (mp?) by around midnight.
I went to lay down, but Ronnie spent the night on the couch by Willis's side, because there was no way the dog could get up the stairs again. (The night before, Ronnie had spent it on the floor in our room next to Willis.) It was a very difficult night. I heard Willis shift his body and yelp many times. I dreamed of that silly dog fetching balls, pine cones, and frisbies. Squeaking his toys, and running after the kids for a game of tag. I envisioned him as his active self again. I couldn't sleep, and woke many times, and came down stairs and gave Wibble a pat on the head, stroke of his ears, and kisses on his wet nose and told him I loved him very much. Then I returned to bed.
This morning Willis was able to urinate again, but would not eat or drink. He had returned to his painful state, even with the meds. His head hung low, tail tucked under his bum, and yelping loudly when he tried to move around. We didn't want him to suffer...
So, we called the hospital and let them know he hadn't got any better, only worse. They agreed with us on our decision to put him to "sleep". Our four legged baby was in pain and he needed to feel relief. Michele, Fushia, and I had all the kids say their goodbyes. There were tears, smiles of memories, and sadness everywhere. Phil was at work, and knew what we were doing, but could not bring himself to be there. I understood that, and respected it. Everyone handles death in their own way. . .
I picked up Willis in his blue blanket from Auntie Fushia, and he yelped in pain so badly. Once I got him in the back, I hugged my Heather, and climbed in. Heather was crying very hard. I had asked her if she wanted to go but she didn't and I also understood that. As we drove away, I watched her standing there alone by herself wishing I could somehow project myself there to hold her once again. Too bad I could not be in 2 places at once! She waved, I waved back.
Rosey had requested to join us, so she was on her way to the hospital too. She had baby Zoey in the car with her, which under normal circumstances would have excited me, but I was in no shape to hold a newborn! Anyway, I won't draw this out too much...but we got there, and you know how the usual euthanasia goes...We took pictures with him a few minutes before his death. He looked and seemed so happy in those moments. I think he knew, and was not scared. He was smiling because of the love he felt and was giving. He was smiling because he knew he would not be in pain. His tail wagged one last time. He was sad because he knew he would miss us and we would miss him. I could not smile. I just couldn't. My doggie was medically killed in my arms today. . .
When we got home it took me awhile to go in the house. His ball. His bed. His frisbie. His water and food bowls. His toys and collar and leash...You see, he was everywhere. Although I knew he was gone, I could not comprehend it nor was I willing to face it completely. I still havent! As I sit here, I keep listening for his bark. His toes clacking his nails on the floor. His powerful tail slapping against someone or something as usual. Heather rang the doorbell just for kicks. Normally, our precious Dog would have barked, but there was nothing. Eerie silence as we all listened to it. LOUD. It was so loud. Silence is loud.
Earlier, I tried to hand Willis a piece of my lunch but he wasn't there to enjoy it. I keep looking for him. I keep thinking I see him. NOPE. He's gone. With us in our hearts, but gone physically. I was even going to give him a few pieces of ham at dinner time awhile ago. I know that sounds weird, but I am not used to this house without him. I miss him so much. 
Willis's favorite tree out front is left "un-peed" on. I was thinking about digging a small hole, and placing his collar and ball under there. I can't bring myself to do that. I want to SEE those things lying around. I know I know, let go and move on. I can't yet. Willis was my only dog in my whole 36 years...I will move on soon, just not yet.
I can't say anything else about this or I will drench the keyboard. I love you Willis. Thank you for giving us 10.8  wonderful years. There will never be another you.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

To the right is a picture of my 4 year old's "bunny" drawn on her magna doodle awhile back. She just recently started showing interest and talent, which we had expected would happen, given the Hubbs has talent for it. I am very proud of her.
We have always encouraged our kids to explore their artistic talents. As I mentioned before, my still legal husband is a very talented artist and can draw like there's no tomorrow! He is into game programming, so he spends a lot of time exercising that, but sits down with our kids every so often and they draw for the heck of it. 
From early on, we knew that more than likely our Son would have the same talent's or similar to...What we weren't prepared for was having all three of our kids with the same talent! I have come to the conclusion that my home will always have paints, brushes, crayons, endless drawing paper scattered throughout, chalk, colored pencils, etc...AND that my walls and fridge will always be covered in my children's artwork-whether actually on paper or on the wall itself!!! This is no joke either, I literally can't even seethe front of my fridge doors!

    To the left is my 14 yr old Daughter's recent hand drawn picture her friend 'Ahiru' pulling an anime character named 'Tadase' from the anime 'Shugo Chara'.
    Another thing we were never prepared for was that our DD#1 would DEVELOP her talent. She is one of those true artists that begins with like zero talent at a young age, and still insists on practicing and reaching her goal of being able to draw. Now, I KID YOU NOT...she could not draw at all as a small child. In fact, (not to be mean) but she REALLY could not draw!
    After many years of continuing to work on her drawings, she got better and better at it and blew me and the Hubbs away! Very impressive to me (because I am the only one in the family that can't draw worth beans and I know it.) how she conquered her desire to draw and developed a natural ability over time for it unlike most people who were practically born with it and the talent just comes easy to them. I must admit, I did not think she would be able to ever draw as well as she does! WOW!!!...
    To the right is a picture my son drew recently of an anime type angel. He, like his father, never has had to work at his artistry in drawing, it came natural to him from a very young age. He also continues to impress me with his talent. He is a sweet, sensitive, shy boy at 16-but expresses himself very well when he "takes to the pencil" so to speak.
    Now that I have shown you a drawing from each one of my awesome kids, I will show you the wall in my bedroom:
    This was done in September of last year. EVERYONE in the family contributed to this piece of art! (Yes, even me...GULP!) We used washable Crayola paint, and boy did we have A BLAST!  I cannot even begin to tell you how fun this was. When V and H were little I allowed them to paint on the walls so long as it was a planned event and they didn't just randomly do it.  
    SO...needless to say, I am surrounded by a bunch of artists with a lot of talent and potential. I have drawings/paintings/artwork coming out of my ears!!! What do YOU do to help develop your child(ren)s talents? -Me

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What is a TRUE friend, really?

 Tuesday, March 1st 2011 12:12am

NOTE; I haven't written on here in 5 months. (I lost the password for awhile, LOL.)

All my life, I have been hurt emotionally by people who were supposedly my friends. This makes me wonder, what is a TRUE friend, really? It has also made me withdraw from social situations, not trust very easily, and maybe caused a bit of social anxiety even.  I have been diagnosed with Manic Depression/Bi-Polar Disorder, PTSD, (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and OCD. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) BUT, I have refused any medication for it, because I have fears/phobia's about addictions. (Sound's stupid, I know!) Instead, I take St. John's Wort, everyday. Before I took that, I just dealt best I could and still do! Have I ever attempted suicide? YES. (obviously I didn't succeed!) I suffer from depression all the time. My high's and low's have not been easy on my Family and Friends to say the least.  When I was 16, I tried to take my own life because I was having flashbacks of sexual abuse that I suffered for many yrs from infancy until the age of 6. (Little did I know I would be subject to it again later on, as an adult.)
Which leads me to another thought...How would YOU define true friendship? 
My definition:Being a true friend is to LOVE a person so much that you let them go when needed, and wish them happiness no matter if it costs you pain, You accept them for who they are no matter what, You tell them the TRUTH in a loving way on all things, You try to help them anyway you can even if it will upset them in some way, intervene for their greater good when they are in trouble, support them in all their endeavors, lift them up when they are feeling down, inspire them when they are excited about something that means a great deal to them, keep them from harm if possible, care enough to protect them, make time for them/don't forget about them, show them patience, understanding, compassion, affection when they need it, and ONE of the most important of all is...FORGIVENESS! Don't forget to forgive them when all hell is breaking loose between you!
So, what do you all think of my interpretation? Am I head on...or am I totally off base? 
 Here is something I found online while looking this subject up:
What if the friends don’t ask for our input but are doing something that’s harmful for them? In my case, I will still warn them (even rebuke, if necessary). It’s not because I judge them, but because I care about them. The closer I am to them, the more willing I am to warn them. -Donald Latumahina
(I recently applied this "warn/rebuke/" thing to a "true" friend, and let me tell you...IT DIDN'T work out too well.)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Facebook and their stupid censorship!

So, 2 major activists for breastfeeding I know on facebook have had their accounts deleted. Emma Kwasnica, and Kate Hansen. I am so upset over this. I have become so paranoid, that I went on my back up account and added all my friends that I had not yet added from my main account. Why is facebook doing this to Mother's who breastfeed, practice  elimination communication, and intactivism?
It does not seem fair. I myself have had 2 warnings and photos deleted. In Feb of this yr, my original account was deleted by facebook and I never got it back. I lost so much that can't ever be replaced! There is NOTHING indecent about EC or Breastfeeding photos. The outrage we are all feeling over this is HUGE. I cannot imagine how these two precious ladies must feel! They are well known, and many depend on them and love what they stand for. I hope their accounts are reinstated. :'(     -Me

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Introductions Part 3 (The story of Peanut)

In late 2005, Phil and I hit an ultimate hormonal phase of doing you know what almost everyday. I am not sure why, but a few weeks later I started having pains in my sides, excessive tiredness, headaches, and cramping. Since I am irregular with my cycle, I didn't think anything of it! My Hubby suspected that I was pregnant but didn't want me to get my hopes up like I had so many times before.
About mid January, I decided to take a home test with Phil's urging. It came back positive! It was very faint, but it did show SOMETHING...He was very apprehensive to accept the home test because I had taken MANY over the yrs and they were wrong.
I made an appointment at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, to get a test done. I remember how nervous I was. It had been 9 yrs since I had a baby. How did I even know if I would be a good Mom to a newborn again?
Their test was positive too! I then applied for medical assistance. I started thinking of my options for prenatal care and my birth. I had always wanted a homebirth but I knew that my Husband did not agree with it. I had never really heard much about unassisted birth, but it did fascinate me. I decided I wanted to find a Midwife and have a hospital water birth. 
During my pregnancy here are SOME but not all of the books I read:

The Birth Book: Everything You Need To Know About Having A Safe and Satisfying Birth by William Sears MD

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

The complete Book if Pregnancy and Chilbirth by Sheila Kitzinger

Gentle birth Choices by Barbara Harper 

Birthing From Within by Michael Odent

Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League

The Breastfeeding Book by Martha Sears

Eat Well, Lose Weight While Breastfeeding by Eileen Behan

Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering by Sarah J Buckley

Big Beautiful and Pregnant by Cornelia Van Der Zeil MD and Jaqueline Tourville

Childbirth Without Fear by Grantly Dick-Read

Now as I stated before, these are only a FEW of them. ANYWAY, back to the story...

So, when I realized I wanted a Midwife, I was excited to find that there was a  Midwives available to me even though I was on government medical. I made an appointment to meet with  her. She had an office only a few miles from where we lived. I learned that there was a birthing center in Phoenix, and found out what specific health plans they accept, and chose one accordingly.
Walking into her office lobby that first time and signing in, I was so nervous! The first thing she asked me was "Why I felt I wanted a Midwife for my birth" and to which I answered, because I wanted a natural birth with none of the interventions during my birth that an OB/GYN would normally do or push. She told me that their offices at the birth center indeed had an OB/GYN on staff, but that if I preferred not to be seen by him, i could request one of the other people for my appointments if she was not available. I liked that idea. She asked me about why I wanted a water birth. I told her that I felt it would be more relaxing, and that I loved water and wanted my baby to come into the world almost the same as where he/she grew for 9 months.

Her next question really surprised me. She wanted to know if I would be breastfeeding. I said most definitely YES! Now her next question blew me even more away. She asked if I had given any thought to whether I would circumcise or not if the baby was a boy! I didn't know what to say to be honest. I was kind of shocked. I said, well my son was circ'ed when he was 19 months during Orchiopexy surgery, and that I had regretted the decision due to his pain and swelling and bleeding. She said, "ok well let me know if you have any questions about that." and there was no other questions about it or discussion. I honestly to this day do not know if she is or isn't for it.

During all of my pregnancies I NEVER threw up at all, but had "morning sickness" all hrs of the day and night through most of the pregnancy. This I would say was TORTURE to me. With V I craved ranch dressing on EVERYTHING, with H I craved chicken constantly, but with Peanut I craved cheese danishes, protein bars, and protein shakes. Whoah super weird

My ultrasound was scheduled for March 28th 2006! Phil did not attend the ultrasound but V, H, my friend Beth, and my "nephew" Malachi. (Who was about 10 months old at the time.) When I got there I had already drank 44 ounces of water, but the Tech guy said it was not as full as he would have liked my bladder to be. I had emptied it a little but not much. He also tried to tell me I wasn't as far along as I thought and I knew he was wrong because I knew when we had conceived!  (it turned out later that I was right and he and the Midwife were wrong!)
Seeing her little feet all up in the "air" and waving her little hand, that was so sweet. I didn't know the dangers of ultrasounds back them but I do now.

Anyways, the kids were enrolled at Eagleridge Enrichment Program at the time, but did work with me during their off days from the program. In my 5th month, we had to move back to Phoenix, so we had to pull them out of Eagleridge because the travel time would have been crazy. (We still had a car (barely) at this point, but it was having a lot of problems.)
Within 1 week of moving back to Phoenix, our car went "KAPUT" on us and we gimped it to the dealership. We had ZERO money to get it fixed. The dealership guy said he would "take care of everything." And gave us a ride home in a company vehicle. We honestly thought he mean the would have it fixed for us, BUT nope. 6 days later we received a paper of  "voluntary repossession."

That RAT of a salesman had repossessed the car unbeknownst to us! What an @#*&%^!!!
From then on we were without transportation...thank God we had friends with a Van! Anywho, I enrolled the kids in Arizona Virtual Academy. The teachers came to our home and did some testing, evaluating, and placement. At first, things were going fine. The school provided a brand new computer, ,materials, books, software, etc. But after awhile the kids were struggling to keep up with the required amount of work, and the curriculum was very advanced.   So, the school allowe dthem to stay on, but not without warnings and lectures constantly directed at me that my kids "weren't keeping up." 

My first visit to the midwifery offices in Phoenix weren't that great. (except for finding a copy of Compleat Mother!) The wanted to weigh me ever single time, talked to me about not eating too much, poked and prod at me, and I rarely got to see my CHOSEN Midwife. (Donna Tash CNM) It was very irritating! Then, in my 8th month, they lost my birth plan that I had given them on file, one of the Midwives on staff was very snobby to me, and told me that I could not continue there unless I submitted another one. WTH??? I told her that I had given Donna one in the beginning and she said to me, "AGAIN Mrs. Smalley, I REPEAT, you CANNOT continue our services without a birth plan." I just stood there watching her body language and thinking, is this how they are going to treat me? I felt disappointed because I didn't have a back up copy. It had been lost on my computer when it crashed. So, I had to make one over again and submit it to them.

Nearing my 36th week, they did another ultrasound, and everything looked fine. I guess I should mention that I am "high risk" according to the medical professionals. I get Gestational Diabetes with every pregnancy, and I am also A-. No RH I have always had to get that stupid Rhogam shot. Anyway, the 2nd ultrasound was a pain to even get to that day. Phil and I and the kids with Beth and Malachi all rode the bus to the Midwifery offices in the dead middle of Arizona summer. We were so hot and exhausted by the time we got there! The Tech would not allow anyone with me, and even tried to tell my Husband he could not come! I was like, "He is my husband, he has a right to be there, especially if something was wrong!" So in the end, she let him see the ultrasound. The reason they were doing another Ultrasound was because my baby was "not in the right position for birth, and she isn't measuring the right size" I was told. It was difficult for the nurse practitioner who had seen me a few days prior to tell exactly what position Peanut was in, because I have an anteroflex uterus and she was very far into my back. In fact, when i would walk, I felt like a had a straight 2x4 nailed to my back at that point in the pregnancy. I think Peanut was pinching some nerves. With both my girls, I had sciatica acted up so bad that I had a lot of problems walking anyway.

 At my appointment, (week 37) I was asked to come into he financial office and speak to the woman who handles billing. She informed me that I would need to come up with $780 in order to have my water birth at the birthing center. WHAT??? Apparently my insurance had switched it's policies and stopped covering the birthing center! I was so pissed. I asked her if I could change my health plan to one that would cover it but the next enrollment date was October! That would have been way too late So, I was aced out of my very much wanted water birth because I had been told that the hospital I would h ave her at (the only hospital that the Midwives were contracted to) did not allow .birthing mothers to get into a tub during labor. Ridiculous right?

The next few weeks went by so slow I felt I was aging at a rate of 1 yr older per minute it seemed like. A tthat time, the "Numa Numa song" was popular and all over youtube and the internet. I remember swaying and jumping and bouncing all around to that dumb song, hoping labor would start because I couldn't stand being pregnant anymore! The other popular song was "Here it Goes Agin" by some weird group called "OK! GO!" 

In my 40th week,  the kids and I had gone to Target on the bus and we were going to take a cab home with our groceries. Well, when i went to pull money out of the atm, I had left our bank card in the machine and didn't realize it until I had been shopping for a few hrs. We were taking our sweet time just to get out of the house that day. 
I called Phil on my cell phone and told him what had happened, and I was balling my eyes out! (those pregnancy hormones sure do make me wacky!)
 Phil was so sweet, and calmly told me to just go to customer service and ask if anyone had returned it. I was doubtful, but when I did, YAY! Some honest person had. So, that made me feel 100% better!

Okay, now-are you ready for my birth story, because I have arrived at that part of this post!?

Monday the 18th of September I had been having a lot of contractions but I was not dialating and they seemed irregular just intense though. I had taught Beth how to do pelvic exams during her own pregnancy, soshe had learned to do them on me. I taught her to gently not forcibly slide her finger around in there and she had felt Peanut's head and thought it was so cool! Now, I am not one for having my fingers up some other woman's "cookie" but, I had read up on how to do it when she was pregnant with Malachi, so I got to touch him pretty much before anyone else did because I felt his head! That made me feel so special, so when she did it for me, she felt all excited and was squealing, "I felt her head, I felt her head!" LOL it was quite humorous and sweet. 

Anyway, I remained that way for 3 more days. Constant discomfort but not pain. It really was irritating! Thursday evening, the 21st, Phil and the kids and I had walked down to the corner and had some Carl's Jr. for dinner. I had been having more intense "rushes" while we were eating, and I knew my body was ready. I called my "coach" (My adopted Mom Catherine) @ about 8:30 pm. She said she would get ready and be there as soon as she could. She had to pack for a few days stay at my house because she was going to watch the kids while Phil and I stayed the night with the baby in the hospital after birth. Well, when we got home from dinner, I felt the contractions even more, so I let my instincts take over, and I just started cleaning and moving furniture. HEAVY furniture! Heavy book shelves in particular lol.

Mom arrived about 11:300 pm that night. We all went to bed and I tried my best to sleep. Around 3 or 4 am, we decided to wake Phil because my contractions were really close together. Upon arriving at the hospital, the Midwife I had mentioned I didn't like because of her snootiness was on call and came to check on me. She was like, "You aren't in active labor yet, what is it you would like us to do for you if you want a natural birth, do you want us to induce you?" I didn't know what to say, because I thought I had been in active labor and that is why I came so I told her that no I did not want to be induced. She asked if I wanted to go labor at home until I was ready to give birth and then transfer myself to the hospital. I agreed and she released me. The main reason I  was mad at her reaction was because she was assuming I came to the hospital because I didn't know what I was doing! She had even mentioned that I must not know after 3 kids what active labor was.
Anyway, we arrived back home, and my son V who was 11 almost 12 at the time was complaining of painful urination and said he has some blood in his urine. He didn't want to tell me because he knew I was close to birth. Mom and I decided to immediately take him to Phoenix Children's Hospital to have him looked at. During this whole time I was working through my "rushes" or contractions. The staff at the hospital were concerned I would give birth in their hospital , LOL and they were not equipped for that. I assured them that I was fine and was not going to have my baby there, ha ha. Anyway, so they gave V a prescription and took care of his needs and we went home. The rest of the day we just relaxed and slept as much as possible. Mom is not for homebirth, so she kept urging me to go to the hospital. I didn't want to because like Marla the snooty Midwife said, I wanted to labor at home. LOL! I kept in tune with my body and was not in any pain, just some discomfort. 

At about 8 pm I started to feel Peanut transitioning and sliding into position and then I KNEW it was time to go to the hospital. So, we all piled in. During my huffing and puffing, Mom had made a wrong turn and got lost. Once she was back on the right track, I was starting to REALLY ge concerned that this baby was going to come while in the car! I mean I could LITERALLY feel her ready. I remember Mom saying something like, "Hold on Bubbs, we are almost there. 
When we got there, she drove up tot the Emergency entrance of Phoenix Baptist Hospital and dropped us off . I wanted to WALK into the E Room but they wouldn't let  so she could park the car and come in after us with the kids and Andy. (My "brother", who is down syndrome) Anyway, so we got inside and upon checking in and  admitting us, we sat there for over half an hour. Phil kept trying to tell them I was ready to give birth but nobody listened! FINALLY, they called me back. By then, Mom and the kids had come in and we were all now sitting in this small hallway waiting area. I  just kept breathing through my rushes, and then all of the sudden, my water broke all over me and all over the chair I had been sitting in, and all over the floor! (My pants were ruined!) I forgot to mention that earlier that morning when I had seen Marla the snotty Midwife, she had checked me and said my bag of waters was still intact but bulging. (I have had a very thick strong bag of waters with all my pregnancies, but it was more thick with V and Peanut than with H.)
So Anyway, the nurse had been taking her sweet time and had told us we would be put in a laboy and delivery room as soon as one was available. SERIOUSLY??? My body was telling me to push! When Phil told her , "Ummm, My wife's water just broke lady! If you don't want her having this baby right here, I suggest you bet us a room!" When she came to see it "for herself" instead of taking our word for it, she said, "Oh, SH**!" and hurried to call my Midwife and get me into a room. It was approximately 9:01 pm!
They  "prepped" me for birth, or at least tried to but I was ignoring all of them and just allowing my body to do what it was meant to. They wanted to put the monitors on me and I refused. I remember shaking my head no, and telling them I was pushing. The nurse that had not taken us seriously before my water broke told me to "wait for Donna hun, wait for Donna" and I IGNORED HER! 
Another nurse came in and thank God she was so sweet. I told her "I am pushing, I can feel the baby is coming!" She responded so kindly and said, "Go for it sweetie, Donna will be here in a few moments, she is getting ready now." I must admit that at this point I was VERY uncomfortable. I kept leaning forward and lifting my Bum because it felt better than laying flat on my back! Donna arrived (my Midwife) and she got down there to have a look see. I started to cry because "the ring of fire" had begun! She even said, "Okay let's have this baby! Sh eis coming out now! (Also I have to add that at some point in the 20 minutes between my water breaking and Peanut's birth, I had asked for some pain control lol. YES I admit it, I almost caved!!!)
I think there was maybe 3  BIG pushes, and Peanut was out! It was 9:21 pm on 9-22-06. LOL 
V had missed the actual birth because he had been in the bathroom (my poor boy!) in pain trying to pee! He came out a few seconds after her birth. Everyone was congratulating me. I was feeling such a high sense of accomplishment. The room was quiet. Donna immediately placed Pea nut on my chest while she helped the placenta to birth. She made a joke about how I hadn't needed her for the birth because I did it myself, and that she was only there to retrieve the sac. LOL

I did not tear, and never have. I am lucky. My babies all have small heads! Ha Ha! Anywho, for the first 30 or  more minutes, the left us alone. They did not try to cut her cord right away. When it was done pulsating, Donna had Phil cut it. Mom had cut H's cord in 1996, and Phil had cut V's cord in 1995. After the cord was cut, they all just LEFT. it was all of us in this quiet room. I put Peanut to the breast. She latched on so easily! Nobody in the medical field took her away, or interfered. I rubbed the stuff that was all over her into her skin. It was so peaceful and sweet, that first hour. 
Eventually, after about an hour, the nurse (nice one) came in and said it was time  for her bath. OH BOY Peanut did not like that! H the doting sister stayed right by her side and held her hand. Peanut cried the whole time! Daddy and Brother and Sister oogled and awwww'd over Peanut, while I went in the bathroom and cleaned myself up a bit. Someone came to change my bedding.  

After her bath, Peanut nursed some more. Grandma, Uncle Andy and kids and Daddy had held her, and now it was MY TURN to hold her again, and bask in the sweet knewness of my baby, that I had NATURALLY and totally by myself! I made a note to myself that if we ever had another baby, I KNEW I would have a homebirth. I knew I could do it! Pardon me while I BRAG, but I was SO PROUD of me!!! LOL 
Anyway, Mom kissed me and baby goodbye, and so did the kids, and they left for my house. When Peanut was 3 hrs old, they transferred me to an "overflow room" because they could not find me a post partum spot.  Around 1 am we were all settled in, and we fell asleep. Daddy on his cot, and me with Peanut in a bed. I had to sign this form saying they were not responsible if something happened while sleeping with my baby. One of the nurses had come in prior to this and mentioned that "It is hospital policy that the baby remain in a basinette unless feeding for their safety and to protect the hospital legally" I told her that I would sign whatever I had to, because I WAS NOT going to leave my baby in that "thing". LOL I of course got my way! :)

Peanut had her first poo when she was awake and I was sleeping and Daddy had been tending to her. (By the I sit here and type this, and walk down memory lane, I am crying. What precious moments those first few hours were, and how oh os close I felt to my Husband like I never had before, because with our other 2, he did not want to stay at the hospital with me, and I had felt so hurt about it. When I had V, I was alone. When I had H, at least I had Mom Catherine there.)
I woke because I heard Peanut whimpering, and there was Daddy changing a POOPIE! Her first one! I snapped a picture, LOL. 

Around 11 am, Donna came to check on us and everything was fine. I took her picture while she was holding Peanut. I had not realized how tiny Donna was until I got the picture developed! So anyway, she asked if we wanted to go home. I was like, "YES!" so we were released about 1 pm and Mom left the kids and Andy home at our house and came to pick us up. Donna had prescribed some medication for my "soreness' (I think it was prescription Tylenol but I can't remember.) So after bringing Peanut home, and introducing her to our Dog (he loved the baby so much he wanted to lick her, but we didn't let him do it on her face, only her toes!) Mom and I left the baby  with Phil to go get my prescription, and Phil and kids walked across the street to McD's for a bite to eat. 

The next few days were a bit of a blur for me. I just nursed and slept and nursed and slept. Daddy took care of diaper changes when he could, and the kids stayed quiet for me. I was up on the 3rd day and ready to conquer the world! LOL We had the Fletcher's come over, and Fushia and Ronnie as well. Mom had gone home that first day we came home, because she had some things she had to do. All our friends took turns holding her, and after they left things quieted down again. 
On Friday, the day peanut turned 1 week old, the kids and I decided to go to Target and do some shopping. I will never forget it. WHY? Because there was some guy on the bus shouting profanities because he had been asked to give up his seat for a mom. (me) There were so many women and children (ourselves included) on that bus. The driver of the bus (who knew us well) asked him to kindly STOP cursing. He refused. I was so mad I got in his face! I said, "Sir, I just had a baby, and I got lots of hormones going on right now! YOU DON'T WANNA MESS WITH ME! Now, you can either get off this bus, or I WILL MAKE YOU!" He proceeded to continue...The bus driver STOPPED, yes STOPPED the bus, and said, "There is no need for threats now."  (to me) and then to the guy, "SIR, remove yourself from MY BUS please or I will call the police." The guy got off, LOL.

Well, I think I am DONE finally, YAY!!! I hope you all enjoy my birth story. Sorry it is so long...Please subscribe and comment, and THANK YOU for reading! -Me :)



Saturday, September 25, 2010

Good people do STILL exist!

So today ladies and gents, I was able to meet a fairly new facebook friend in person.! She is an awesome Mamma and her baby is so sweet. She told me weeks ago that she had got Peanut a birthday gift and was going to get together with me whether there was a party or not. (I had made a facebook event about 4 months ago for her 4th birthday party but for lack of guests, I canceled it a few days ago.  
We went to the Chandler Mall. First we found the food court because we were hungry. Peanut had said she didn't want to eat, but I knew she would change her mind. So, when I ordered my chicken quesadilla I made sure they left 1/4 with just the cheese.  Anywho, Peanut was a good girl and spoke up when she had to potty, and used the "noisy potty" (as she calls them) without being terrified like she used to. By then she was already looking tired and wanted me to carry her.  ,My friend had offered as we were going into the mall for me to use her Babyhawk, but I declined at that time. 
At the play area we sat and talked while baby J nursed and observed, and Peanut played. I love the fact that she nurses J (who is 4months old) out in the open and does not hide in a bathroom stall. That was great to see.  (you know what I mean.)
Afterwards, I accepted the invitation to use the Babyhawk because Peanut was looking more tired. We went into Barnes and Noble bookstore inside the mall, and as soon as we got there,  Peanut told me she wanted "down". LOL. 
I wanted to get her a "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom" book, and a Spencer wooden train for her birthday gift because we had talked about those 2 things beforehand and that is what she wanted. (She has a DVD made by Scholastic and it has the CCBB song with animation on it just like the book, and it is her favorite song, also she collects Thomas toys) 
We looked around for awhile, and even read the book I mentioned while we we there. Peanut had other ideas! She put back the Spencer, and picked out a sparkly clown fish plushy/stuffy. It was what she wanted, and we all know that with "AP" styles-child led is the way to go, so I saw no harm in letting her choose her own gift.  I was still willing to get the book, but she stated she only wanted 1 gift so I put the book back! (OKAY...?) When it was time to pay, I even got a discount, thanks to my friend! Peanut was extremely tired by then, and I had forgotten my wrap/mei tei, and didn't bring her stroller. J's carseat goes to 35 pounds, and my friend has the "snap n go" stroller base, so his Mommy let me use it since he was asleep in his Babyhawk on his mamma.
We got the kiddles in the car and poor J cried a bit until she took him out when we got to my place, just for a few minutes. I am glad she didn't come inside though because when I opened the door, it stunk! The baby kitties had pooped in their box. Ewwwww!
Anyway, that was my day, and I learned that good people do still exist! Next time I will right Peanut's birth story...I hope. -Me


Thursday, September 23, 2010

C's 4th birthday 9-22-10

Our day started at around 5am. I think I must have woke her up with my coughing. She was eager to get her birth day going. LOL! She asked to wear her Thomas dress at about 5:30 am, so I proceeded to put it on. It took me a while, what with this cold zapping my energy. I even did her hair in little twistie buns and placed her Thomas bow on the side of her head! We went downstairs at about 6 am. Peanut wanted to watch the Madagascar christmas movie so I put it in. Then she asked for applesauce for breakfast.
After breakfast and her short dvd we headed outside because she wanted to play with the dog. She was very careful in her play so as not to dirty her outfit. By about 7:30am I was snapping a few pictures. For a total of 5 minutes she let me, and then she wanted the dress off so she could play with her trains in the mud. I didn't think it would harm anything so I let her. I was able to capture a few images of her palying, whilst wearing only her hair bow and some panties, LOL.
Later, Ronnie took us out for lunch to Pacific Buffet. We know 2 of the waitresses fairly well after dining there many times, so it was good to see them. They were so surprised that she was 4 already, as the first time we ate there she was about 18 months. They showed up half way through the meal with a piece of strawberry shortcake with a candle in it and sang her Happy Birthday. She was kinda shocked! I caught a picture of that too! On the way home she wanted to stop and play by the motor sports place. (Alot of small hills and grass) and I was able to snap some more pics of her playing and pushing her stroller, LOL.
After we returned we kinda just hung out. Adam and H baked the cake for me while we were at lunch and it was cool when we got back, but I wanted to wait til Da Da got home for the girls and I to decorate it.
Adam prepared dinner for us. Baked chicken legs, and herb noodles. YUM! We sang Peanut Happy Birthday and had our cake and ice cream. We didn't have any gifts for her to open for financial reasons between pay checks, but she knows she will be getting her gift this weekend. Probably will be something Thomas related...Anyway, I am going to close this blog post for now, because this cold is really kicking my butt. I hope to feel better by this weekend. :) -Me